📚 Communication Tips from a Trial Lawyer, 21 Reading Tips, and more.

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👋 Hey everyone,

Here are a few popular posts you may have missed:

• 21 Reading tips from bestselling author Shane Parrish.

• 10 Key lessons from “The Let Them Theory” by Mel Robbins.

• You can read all of my previous book summaries and newsletter in my archive here.

Thank you to everyone who filled out the newsletter survey, and congrats to Daniel, Lina, and Charlie on winning signed copies of “When The Light Finds Us” (I’ve emailed the winners).

PS: Stay tuned for a 50-book giveaway next week!

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📚 Book Summary:

This week’s book is “The Next Conversation” by Jefferson Fisher.

Jefferson Fisher is a trial lawyer who’s gained millions of followers from sharing tips on how to have better conversations.

You’ll learn how to de-escalate heated conversations, deal with difficult personalities, set boundaries, overcome conflict, and much more.

If you enjoyed “Never Split The Difference” or “How To Win Friends & Influence People”, you’ll like this book.

Here are 3 lessons from it:

📖

1) Use Pauses to Prevent Arguments

You know that feeling when you’re in a heated argument and you say something stupid that you immediately regret?

It happens to us all, but there’s an easy hack to prevent yourself from crossing the line next time: Take a 5-10 second pause.

These short yet valuable seconds allow you to take a deep breath, reflect on the situation, and become aware that if you continue down the path you’re on, things will only get more dangerous.

So when you feel the conversation escalating to the point of no return, a place where the next thing you say will definitely hurt the other person, take a pause and let your breath be your next words.

“It’s far better to respond with nothing than with something hurtful that is sure to go down in your relationship history book to be cited again and again,” warns Fisher.

A well-timed pause gives you the power to reflect, reconsider, and regulate your emotions.

Also, when you embrace the silence of a pause, you take control of the speed of the conflict. It’s like using the brakes on a car. It lets you slow down and turn directions instead of speeding up, hitting the rails, and hurting both you and your passenger.

📖

2) Replace “You…” With “I…” To Get Through To People

In last week’s newsletter, I shared how if you want to increase the chances of someone doing you a favor, you want to replace your “I”s with “You”s.

However, when it comes to having better conversations, you want to do the opposite.

Here are a few examples to better understand this lesson:

• Instead of:

  • “You’re always on your phone.”

  • “You don’t appreciate me.”

  • “You are a massive jerk.”

• Try:

  • “I’d love to spend more time with you without our phones near us.”

  • “I felt unappreciated when you didn’t respond to my text.”

  • “I don’t feel comfortable when you talk to me like that.”

When you start your sentence with you, it automatically puts the other person in a defensive stance.

But when you start your sentence with I, you prevent their trigger because you focus on your feelings and perspective, not on notions that you’re accusing or blaming them.

📖

3) How To Say “No” Like A Pro

No is a complete sentence.

But most of us have a hard time telling people no (myself included).

Here’s Fisher’s 3 steps to giving people a kind “No”:

• Step 1: Say no

  • “I can’t.”

  • “I won’t be able to.”

  • “I’ll have to pass on this.”

  • “I made a promise to myself that…”

• Step 2: Show gratitude

  • “I’m honored, but…”

  • “I appreciate you asking me.”

  • “Thank you for thinking of me.”

  • “That’s so kind of you to invite me.”

• Step 3: Show kindness

  • “Hope it goes well!”

  • “I know it will be great!”

  • “Sounds like a wonderful time!”

  • “I’ve heard good things about…!”

Combine the three steps to get a response like:

“I’ll have to pass on this, but thank you for inviting me. I’ve heard good things about it!”

By saying no but layering it with gratitude and kindness, you’re able to give a direct yet kind rejection.

✅ Actionable Advice

1) The next time you feel an argument getting hot, take a 5-10 second pause to catch your breath and reflect on the situation.

2) The next time you want to communicate your feelings, start your sentence with “I…” instead of “You…”

3) Here’s a kind way to tell people “No”:

• “I’ll have to pass on this, but thank you for inviting me. I hope it goes well!”

💎 Weekly Gem:

3 Awesome (and free) Tech Tools:

1) Snipd: This awesome app uses AI to automatically takes notes on the podcasts you listen to. It also generates timestamps of each podcast so you know exactly what’s talked about and can skip to the parts that interest you. If you want to learn more from your podcasts, try Snipd for free here.

2) Beehiiv: This is the platform I use to write my newsletters. If you’re a content creator or business owner, you need to have a newsletter so you have a direct line of communication with your audience. Otherwise, you’re controlled by the social media algorithm. If you want to start a newsletter, try Beehiiv for free here.

3) Eleven Reader: This wonderful app lets you read ebooks and listen to audiobooks for free. You can even turn your ebooks into a podcast (technology is amazing nowadays). If you want to read more books in 2025, try Eleven Reader for free here.

Your opinion matters!

Thank you for reading,

-Alex W.