A&B #68

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Hey everyone,

The holiday season is here which makes it the perfect time to catch up on some reading.

If you're looking for a short and sweet book to read, here are

PS: It was my birthday this weekend. There's only one thing I want–to make Alex & Books into a full-time job. The best way to do that is to grow A&B as big as possible. It would mean the world to me if you followed me on the following platforms:

• Instagram

• Twitter

• TikTok

• YouTube

Thank you everyone.

Alright, let's dive into this week's newsletter.

📚 Book Lessons:

This week's book is Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller. In this revolutionary book, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller scientifically explain why some people seem to navigate relationships effortlessly, while others struggle. If you want to find love or stay in it, this book will help you do so.Here are 3 lessons from the book:1) Find Out Your Attachment Style According to psychologists, there are 3 types of attachment styles: Secure: People who are warm and loving, and relationships come naturally to them. They are great at communicating their needs and feelings. Anxious: People who love to be very close to their partner and crave a lot of intimacy.  Avoidant: People who feel the need to maintain their independence. Even though they want to be in a relationship, they tend to keep their partner at arm’s length.Here's a free short quiz you can take to discover your attachment style. It's important to know your attachment style so that if you aren't secure (about 50% of the population), you know how to better manage your relationship needs.2) Look For A Secure PartnerThe most fulfilling and stable relationships are the ones where both partners have a secure attachment style. Here are the traits you should filter for when looking for a secure partner: Is quick to forgive Doesn't play games Is comfortable with intimacy Treats their partners like royalty Believes relationships can be improved through work and communicationFind a partner who has these traits and your relationships will be stable and fruitful. 3) Strive To Use Effective CommunicationWhen insecure people get upset, they tend to lash out or shut down. However, these tactics are ineffective at resolving the initial conflict.Instead, you want to do what secure people do and effectively communicate what's wrong.  Express your needs State precisely what's bothering you Tell them how their actions made you feelIt can be difficult to talk to your partner when you're upset, but doing so is a much more productive and positive strategy for solving problems than lashing or shutting down will ever be.PS: Here's a thread with 7 key lessons from "Attached."

✅ Actionable Advice:

1) Discover your attachment style:

• Here's a free short quiz you can take.

2) Look for a secure partner:

• When dating, look for someone who:

  • Doesn't play games

  • Is comfortable with getting intimate

  • Believes relationships can be improved with work and communication

3) Practice using effective communication:

• Avoid shutting down or lashing out at your partner the next time they do something that upsets you.

• Instead, tell them what they did wrong and how it made you feel.

🎧 Podcast Update:

Here were the 3 most popular podcasts of 2021:

1. Scott Young: How To Learn Skills Faster & Retain More of What You've Learned

2. Blas Moros: Lessons From Reading 600+ Books

3. Logan Ury: How To Not Die Alone (The Science of Finding Love)

📖 Reading Lesson:Having a reading goal for 2022?Here's how much time you'll need to spend each day to reach it:• 12 books = 10 mins a day• 24 books = 20 mins a day• 36 books = 30 mins a day• 52 books = 43 mins a day• 100 books = 83 mins a dayPS: Here's a free yearly reading tracker.

⭐️ Weekly Quote:Reading is a software update for your brain.(share here)

Thank you for your support everyone, I'll see you next Sunday!Read on,Alex W.